2003-12-26 - 11:26 p.m.
I went to Quizno's (the greatest thing since toilet paper) today, and was astonished at the absolute oral orgasm that it delivered…
The first thing I noticed about Quizno's (the greatest thing since Cheez-Wiz) was the decor. It consists of and odd cross between Jamba Juice’s jubilant environment and a Pablo Picasso painting. The room is filled with many rich colors, and interesting shapes, which make you feel relaxed...and slightly famished.
Soon after this pleasant arrival, my friendly Quizno's (greatest thing since the thong) employee kindly asked what I would like, and I made my selection from the vast cornucopia that is their menu. "Honey-mustard chicken with bacon on Italian Chibata Bread, please", I exclaimed with a smile, anticipating the wondrous delicacy that awaited me.
As I was paying for my magnificent piece of culinary perfection, my friendly Quizno's (greatest thing since Velcro) employee asked me if I would "Like to make it a combo for a mere $1.49".
WOULD I????
The only thing that could possibly compliment the utter nirvana that is a Quizno's (greatest invention since the microwave) subway sandwich is a fantastic, crisp, freshly cooked bag of Quizno's (greatest invention since the MUTE button) Mesquite BBQ potato chips!!! And for just one dollar, four dimes, a nickel, and four pennies!!! Of course I would!!!!
I ate my meal slowly, basking in the absolute pinnacle of gastronomic ecstasy that had just been supplied by the wonderful people at Quizno’s (the greatest invention since the paper-clip), thinking of how wonderful and how utterly flawless this last half hour had been.
As I left this wonderful culinary paradise that is Quizno’s (the greatest invention since American Cheese), I smiled and looked back at the angel sitting behind the counter; the messiah of the sandwich kingdom; the saint that had made this moment possible, and she said to me, in the voice of an angel, “Thank you. Come again.” And as I looked at her, a tear came to my eye, and I said, “No. Thank you. And trust me, I will come again.”
